Tales of a Tail
by Crescentium
Summary: One morning, Crawford wakes up and finds that his familiar telepath has become his familiar feline. Both Schwarz and Weiss will have to deal with this orange bundle of fur.


**Author's Notes**: Of all various silly things I wrote back in 2011, I think this is one of my favourites. Maybe it's time it has its debut here on ffnet as well. Written & posted elsewhere in December 2011, posting now for the pleasure of the random passer-by. Also, shapeshifting and orange cats fit the theme for October, no?

What follows is a series of fun ficlets about cat!Schuldig. I wrote the first few of these as random drive-by comment!fics. The rest were written for my December "Schwarz Yule Calendar" 24 Tails 'Til Xmas. The resulting chunk of ficlets forms a kind of a... story.

I can't promise to update, but who knows - I may decide to visit the devious orange feline again.

**Notes about pairings:** Crawford/Schuldig is the only "official" pairing. But other pairings may be implied, should you choose to see the that way.

* * *

The first thing Crawford registered was something wet being drawn over his face over and over and over again. Disgusted, he pushed it away ― there was an angry-sounding hiss and his hand hit something furry and warm.

_Watch it!_

Crawford opened his eyes and looked around. He was staring into a pair of blue eyes. He would have recognised those anywhere, surrounded by that orange-red mane. But this mane... Crawford raised his brows at the rather sizeable, slender cat arching his back at him.

"...Schuldig?"

The cat stared at him. _Don't say anything._

Crawford's lips twitched.

_Don't even._

Crawford started to laugh.

* * *

"So, what exactly happened?"

_You expect me to know?_

"You must have done something in particular." Crawford flipped through the pages of the old book furiously. The cat hopped up on the desk and stalked across, to sit on top of the book. Crawford looked at the animal with a frown. "What are you doing?"

_I'm cold._

"You can't be cold. You have fur."

_Ha. Ha._ The cat pushed Crawford on the chin to cause him to lean back in his chair. Then he hopped down.

Crawford watched the animal curling up into a ball in his lap. "What are you doing?"

_Just hold your kitten, Crawford._

Crawford sighed and put his hand on the cat's back. He started stroking the soft red fur. Slowly. It was rather soothing, actually.

Schuldig started to purr.

* * *

Somewhere in between stroking the large orange tabby resting in his lap and flipping through the newspaper, Crawford was suddenly startled when the cat twisted his upper body and swung a well-aimed paw with superhuman – supercat? – speed right on top of the back of Crawford's hand. Claws first.

"Ow!" Crawford yelled and yanked his hand back. "What the hell?!"

Schuldig's ears flattened against his skull. He actually succeeded in looking slightly embarrassed. For a cat.

_Uh. Got bored._

Crawford glared at him. "What?"

Schuldig inched up closer, rolling and twisting and wiggling until he had reached the top of the newspaper. He was lying on his back, all four paws in the air, like the furriest thing you ever saw.

_Stroke my belly?_

"After what you just did?"

Schuldig extended a paw and touched the hand he had wounded, tapping it lightly. _Aw come on... let me purr it better._

Crawford glared, but Schuldig reached out and snatched his hand in between his paws and pulled it closer. The cat started licking Crawford's hand. His tongue was soft and a little rough at the same time. Crawford shook his head. He couldn't believe he was giving in to this...

But when Crawford started scratching Schuldig's belly, he was reminded of just how soothing the purring really was.

* * *

"Do you want me to figure out how to turn you back or not?" Crawford stood with a book in his hand, glaring at the orange lump lying comfortably right in the middle of his desk on top of his notes, very much taking up all the space.

The cat flicked an ear and yawned. Pointedly.

"You're a cat. Why are you not worried?"

Schuldig rolled on his back lazily and stretched out his paws and then looked at Crawford with a cat sort of a smirk, which also happened to be a Schuldig sort of a smirk.

_I love it when you answer your own question, Crawford._

* * *

Nagi was walking in the corridor past the living room when he noticed Farfarello standing around near the door, leaning on the door frame, his arms crossed over his chest, head tilted to the side thoughtfully. Curious, Nagi stepped closer and peeked from behind Farfarello. He raised his brows and changed his mind about going out. Instead, he stepped in the doorway next to Farfarello.

"Is Schuldig wearing Crawford's suit?" Nagi whispered.

They were staring at a man in a neat suit on the couch at the other end of the large living room, lying slumped on top of Crawford's laptop. There was a mess of orange-red hair where Crawford's black hair was supposed to be.

Farfarello shook his head. "No. The shoulders are definitely Crawford's."

Nagi tilted his head to the side thoughtfully. "Crawford dyed his hair?" he suggested.

Farfarello pursed his lips. "Hmm. Maybe."

It occurred to Nagi that it was a rather uncomfortable position to sleep in. "Is he okay?"

Farfarello shrugged. "I don't know."

"You didn't check?" Nagi hissed a little louder in complete disbelief at Farfarello's lack of concern for the well being of their team mate. Whichever one of them this was.

_Ssh, keep it down, kid,_ drawled Schuldig's unmistakeable voice. The orange lump shifted slightly. A furry tail came visible and swished lazily to cradle Crawford's neck. _Don't wake him up. I'm comfortable. We're both fine._

Nagi and Farfarello stared.

_Schuldig,_ Nagi started. _Are you a cat?_

The purring had a certain Schuldig smugness about it. Nagi's jaw dropped.

Farfarello raised a brow. "Okay. Well, I'm looking forward to the team meeting in the morning."

* * *

"Meow."

Crawford paused. "I thought cats hate water."

_Tigers actually love swimming._

"You are neither a tiger nor swimming."

_Mmm. There is water, I'm an orange feline, it's close enough._

Crawford shook his head so that the water sprinkled around him. Steam was building around him.

Somehow, Crawford wasn't sure how, the cat succeeded in smirking while his eyes travelled down. _Besides, __you know cats like it hot._

* * *

_So, did you ever think you'd do it with a kitten?_ The cat sounded distinctly smug.

Instead of admitting that it had been almost better than real, physical sex, Crawford smiled sleepily at the cat standing on top of his chest. "Yes, but frankly I thought it would be Abyssinian and not German Rex."

Schuldig hissed and bared his teeth, but just before his claws came out, Crawford's eyes warned him that there was room for a basket in the living room. Schuldig was of the opinion that Crawford could go without telepathic sex. Crawford felt that he could always pick up something else.

It was more or less a stalemate and cats are lazy creatures, so the red animal slipped down from Crawford's chest and headed over to claim the precognitive's arm and shoulder near the pillow.

Crawford turned and buried his cheek in the red-orange fur. It was warm and soft.

_Tomorrow, you'll figure out a way to turn me back._

Crawford smiled. "Hmm." He started stroking the soft fur again.

Purring commenced again momentarily.

* * *

Crawford started to wonder if it was such a good idea to sleep on his back when he felt the heavy furry weight falling right on top of his chest and nearly take his breath away in all the wrong ways. He refused to acknowledge the cat's presence and pretended to continue sleeping.

Schuldig sat down. Crawford knew that he was staring.

Then the purring started. Low at first, like the vague hum of an engine far away. Then the engine got decidedly closer until it sounded like a drill. ...rrrrrrr...

...RRRRRRR...

"Schuldig." Crawford refused to open his eyes.

Purring continued. So did the staring. Crawford was sure of it. And then he was sure of something else that would be happening approximately ten seconds later that would involve four fully armed paws.

"Don't you dare," the precognitive warned the cat, because, you know, there was room for that basket in the living room.

Schuldig gave him that one. The cat pretended that he hadn't intended to do anything. He kept sitting. And he kept staring. And purring. Loudly.

RRRRRRRRRRR.

Crawford tried to catch a glimpse of which one of them would win this one. It didn't look very promising.

"We really need to change you back."

* * *

Farfarello and Nagi were already in the meeting room. Their attention snapped to the door immediately when it opened. Crawford walked in, all businessman as usual, a folder under his arm. A rather large red-orange cat followed him with a confident Schuldig sort of swagger. Farfarello and Nagi followed the pair with their eyes in complete silence.

Crawford slapped the folder down on the table. The cat hopped up with splendid feline ease, his tail snaking about his feet as he walked on top of the folder and sat down. Crawford leaned his hands on the table. His shadow fell over the cat.

They stared at their team mates together like a cat and his master, or a cat and his human.

Nagi tried not to laugh. He really did.

Farfarello didn't really see it worth the effort to even try.

"Yes, that's what I thought at first," Crawford said. "It's a little less funny now, though. I haven't been able to figure out what happened."

"We can't turn him back?" Nagi looked at the cat. Somewhat alarmed, he thought about endless days with a telepathic cat.

Farfarello leaned his elbows on the table, his single eye fixed intently on his feline team mate. "I've never heard of spontaneous shapeshifting." He looked curious. "Perhaps you are a werecat. Has a cat bitten you lately?"

Schuldig the cat appeared amused. _Yes, now that you mention it, I believe a big black-haired tom bit my butt the other night. Vicious son of a queen, too._

Crawford closed his eyes. Slowly. "Schuldig..."

Nagi's eyes widened.

Farfarello, who tended to take magical and religious matters somewhat more seriously, didn't take the hint. "Then we should find that cat, he might have the answers we need."

Schuldig purred low from his throat while his prehensile tail swept around Crawford's wrist. _Oh, I can assure you, I'd have noticed if that particular puss was a werecat a long time ago._

Nagi covered his face with his hands. Farfarello's eyes followed the motions of the tail as it swished and rubbed on Crawford's wrist. He caught on fast at that point.

"Oh."

Crawford picked up Schuldig's tail and untangled it from around his wrist, then straightened his back. "Farfarello," he said, "you're responsible for this for now." He pointed at the cat.

Schuldig shot him a dirty look. _This? *This*?_

Crawford ignored the cat. "Nagi, find out everything you can about shapeshifting. And... buy a basket."

Nagi made sure he wasn't smiling when he removed his hands from over his face again. He didn't trust his voice, though, so he just nodded.

The cat's blue eyes had narrowed to slits. _And what will you be doing?_

Crawford pulled the folder out from under Schuldig, intending to surprise the cat and cause him to fall off the table. He succeeded. Sort of.

Cats always land on their feet.

Crawford replaced the folder under his arm. "Well, someone has to take care of business."

* * *

Crawford opened the door and stepped in. The orange tabby was by his feet before the door had closed completely behind him. The precognitive looked down. Schuldig circled him, brushing against his feet.

"Missed me?" Crawford inquired with a smile.

The cat purred loudly, rubbing his side on Crawford's left trouser leg. Mischievous eyes looked up, which was all the warning the cat awarded Crawford before leaping up.

"Ow! Fuck!" Crawford yelled at the contact of the claws on his skin through his trousers. He tried to swat the cat with his briefcase, but Schuldig the cat was as fast as Schuldig the man, or maybe faster, with added acrobatics skills to boot. The orange creature was all over Crawford all at once and the precog knew there would be claw marks all over the suit by the time the animal had climbed all the way along his back to his shoulder.

Schuldig sat perched on Crawford's shoulders and swept his tail around the precog's neck. Crawford didn't have to see the Cheshire grin to know it was there.

Crawford frowned. "Do you have any idea how expensive this suit was?"

Schuldig pressed his cheek against Crawford's. The purring had a softer tone to it.

_Ssh, Crawford. I can't help it. Don't you know cats love climbing?_

Noticing how soothing the gentle rubbing of soft fur on his cheek was, Crawford contemplated whether there was something about the feline hair itself that caused the effect when in contact with human skin. He offered out his arm near his chest. The cat dropped from his shoulder onto the cradle of his arm and pushed against Crawford's chest, purring some more.

"You know," Nagi's voice noted from near the computer. "I did some research. They say that cats sometimes rub their scent on humans to claim ownership."

Crawford's hand froze halfway through a petting sequence.

* * *

The cat had followed Nagi all the way from the door to the kitchen. The boy tried not to take notice of the way the blue eyes keenly followed the shopping bags floating in the air. He lowered the bags on the kitchen table. Immediately the cat leapt up.

_You brought something for me._ Schuldig approached unerringly the correct bag, his nose twitching.

Nagi hesitated. The cat paused. Nagi got the distinct impression that if it were possible for a cat to frown, it would have. As it was, the animal scrunched up its face.

_You went to the pet shop?_ Schuldig was starting to sound very suspicious.

Nagi shrugged. "Well..." He opened the bag and pulled out a square box.

The cat stared. _A litter box?_

Nagi bit his lip. "Um, yeah. I thought..." His voice trailed off.

Schuldig hopped down from the table and stalked away. He made sure that Nagi knew just precisely what he would do where ― and most certainly not in the litter box ― if the boy brought it up again.

* * *

Crawford woke up to the sound of the alarm. He frowned. Hm.

Where was the cat?

He slammed the alarm clock to silence it. He sat up. Looked around. No cat.

"Schuldig?"

Not even the sound of soft paws on hard floor answered him.

Hm.

Crawford swung his legs out of the bed, stood up and meandered to the bathroom. He kept turning around to catch an orange glimpse but there was nothing. He brushed his teeth, washed his face, showered... still no cat.

Hmm.

Crawford walked back in his room, his lower body wrapped in a towel. No hint of orange was waiting for him except for the scattered hairs on the bed, particularly on the pillow on Crawford's left side where the tabby had been sleeping in the evening.

He decided not to think about it as he tossed the towel on a chair and headed to the closet. Crawford opened the closet door. He reached for the cream suit like every morning. His hand froze at the sight of the empty hanger. His eyes dropped.

The orange bundle of fluff was lying in a nest of cream fabric at the bottom of the closet floor.

Crawford slammed his hand against his head, his face contorting with rage. "Schuldig!"

Loud purring accompanied the cat's unconcerned explanation, _I thought you could wear the black suit today._

* * *

Crawford stood in relaxed attention close by Takatori's desk, his hands behind is back. He held on to one wrist with one hand, his eyes doing most of the moving in the room while Masafumi talked with his father. Two members of Schreient were present as well. Hell was all business, while Schön stood with a kind of an amused expression, her eye barely moving from Crawford even for a moment. She was perhaps a little more attentive than usual. That got Crawford curious.

Curious enough that once the father and son had concluced their business and the girls turned to leave, Crawford was happy that Takatori grunted his bodyguard the permission ― well, the order ― to leave as well. With a smooth dip of a bow, Crawford moved away from behind his desk and toward the door. He was in no hurry. He knew that the tall blond one of Masafumi's dolls had some additional business with him.

Quite right. Schön stood waiting for Crawford in the corridor as he stepped out of Takatori's office and closed the door behind him. Masafumi had left, presumably with Hell.

"I haven't seen Schuldig lately," Schön said softly. "Has he been so catty that you had to leave him home?"

Crawford had to admit that she had his full attention now. "He's fine."

"I'm glad to hear it." Schön smiled. "You see, I have a message for the two of you."

Crawford raised a brow and waited in silence.

Schön swished over to him and reached her hand to his arm. She picked up a single orange hair barely visible in one fold of his black suit and showed it to him. "It's not easy being a new pet owner, is it, Crawford?"

Crawford was getting suspicious.

Schön tested the hair in between her fingertips. "Did his hair turn out all right? I was curious about that..."

"So, it was you." Crawford examined her with an expression mixed with curiosity and irritation. Curiosity, because he couldn't figure out _why_, and irritation for the exact same reason. And maybe a little bit because these girls had dared mess with something that was his.

Schön smirked. She didn't reply.

Crawford raised a brow. "Was that the extent of your message?"

"No, it was not all. You must realise there was a reason we did it."

"Was there? I thought Masafumi enjoys playing with anything that moves. It was only a matter of time before he would try to mix animals and humans." Crawford smiled. "I'm just surprised that he didn't try to turn you into a cat. You would have made a lovely kitty..."

"Always the charmer!" Schön shook her head. "But as much as I'd love to linger and hear more, let's get to the business. It had to be Schuldig. You see, we have a mission for him."

Crawford raised a brow. "A mission?" He didn't need to ask what would possibly make them think that Schuldig would accept a mission from Schreient and ― or ― Masafumi. Or why they thought Crawford would ever allow it. She must have realised that she needed to give a reason. A good reason. So he just waited for her to present it.

It wasn't what he expected, though. Not that he knew what he had expected.

"Weiß."

Crawford raised a brow. "Weiß?"

She nodded. "We want him to spy on them. Find out everything he can about them. All their dirty secrets... all the names of their loved ones, all their private thoughts."

Crawfrod waited. But... there was nothing further. "You're not serious. You turned Schuldig into a cat because you want him to spy on Weiß for you?"

Schön laughed. "That, and he'll be out of our way!"

"And why should I agree to this?"

Schön looked amused. "You? Don't you think Schuldig should be the one to make that decision?"

Crawford did not reply. He waited.

"Oh, all right. Well, assuming you ever want him to be human again... you'll tell him to do exactly as we say. We are the only ones who know the antidote."

Of course. "All right," Crawford said. "I'll think about it."

"Very well. But don't think too long! Hell tells me the effect will become permanent... eventually..." Schön smirked. She was about to turn away, then paused for a moment. Her eye drifted along his suit. "You really do need to send us a picture of the two of you together, Crawford. I'm sure it'd be absolutely adorable," she purred. "I'd frame it." She winked before turning to swish away.

Crawford watched her go. With pleasure.

* * *

The cat lay on Crawford's shoulders like a breathing, purring orange scarf. His cheek was pressed up against the side of the precognitive's neck. Crawford kept his eyes down on the screen of the laptop on top of his knees.

Schuldig's tail brushed lazily back and forth on top of Crawford's chest like the furry arm of a grandfather clock. _So are you going to tell me what's bothering you, or not?_

Crawford gave the last few taps to the keyboard. "Schreient wants you to spy on Weiß for them."

The motion of the cat's tail slowed to a wriggling crawl. Purring ceased. _They did this to me?_

Crawford confirmed the obvious with an affirmative shift in the angle of his head. "I think you should do it."

_You're not serious. Why won't I rather sneak into their manor and..._

"They'll be prepared for that." Crawford closed the lid of his laptop. "Besides, we can use the information you find. And, while you do what Schreient wants you to do, I'll find the antidote."

The cat sulked. _And what makes you think you'll be any more successful now than you have been for the last couple of days?_

Crawford turned his head. He leaned his cheek in against the warm orange fur. He raised his hand and scratched the cat from behind one ear. "Trust me," he whispered in the cat's other ear.

The orange scarf relaxed slowly. Eventually, purring started again. And then the mischievous glint appeared in the blue eyes. _You realise, of course, this means I'll need to let Yohji pet me._

Crawford smiled. "You realise, you'll need to let Omi pet you as well."

Purring ceased again. _You're going to owe me for this._

* * *

Yohji had first noticed the cat a couple of days ago. At first he almost thought he was imagining the splash of orange in the periphery of his vision ― just a quick glimpse, gone so fast he nearly didn't recall it later. But he did recall it, maybe, because he was almost looking for it on the next day.

So when the cat sat there in the alley on the fourth day, staring into the distance in that way cats are wont to do, he greeted it with a, "Well, hello again."

The cat paid absolutely no attention to him. Yohji leaned his back to the wall. He flicked out his lighter. The orange creature didn't even flick an ear. Yohji lit his cigarette, put the lighter back in his pocket and drew in a long drag before picking the cigarette off his lips in between two fingers.

"You know you're trespassing, right?"

The cat kept staring. Yohji checked but there was nothing there.

Neither one of them moved the whole time he kept smoking. Finally, Yohji dropped the stub on the ground and tread on it.

"Stupid cat," he muttered and went back inside.

The next day, he showed up with a bowl of milk. Of course the cat wasn't there.

Yohji shook his head. "Stupid cat," he said, again. He meant it a little more that time.

But he did leave the bowl of milk outside by the door.

* * *

Yohji opened the door. It was the third day he had left a bowl of milk outside the door waiting for the cat. Third day the bowl was empty when he came to check on it.

The first time that the cat was actually sitting next to the bowl, looking at him. Yohji leaned his shoulder on the door frame and stuck his hands in his pockets.

"Decided yet?" Yohji inquired and nudged his head. "In or out?"

The cat licked its lips. Then it leapt up. Claws sank damned deep into Yohji's thigh. "Ow!"

But somehow his hands had instinctively cradled the cat when it made it all the way against his chest. Yohji stared at it with an irritated expression. The orange creature started purring.

"You enjoy playing it rough, huh?" Yohji asked.

The cat smirked. Later on, Yohji would _swear_ that it smirked.

Yohji wasn't quite sure about why he picked up the bowl and went back inside, the cat comfortably cradled on one arm. And purring. Loudly.

"Say, Tiger," Yohji murmured as the thought popped in his mind out of nowhere, "suppose a lot of girls go for guys who love cats?"

* * *

"What's that?" Not that Aya sounded particularly interested.

"Well, Aya, I believe it's a cat. I had imagined you would be familiar with the species." Yohji flipped the channel, one hand scratching the orange tabby that was currently comfortably settled in Yohji's lap on top of his knees.

"Hmh." Aya grabbed the remote and flopped down on the couch next to him. "What's it doing on our couch?"

"I found him. I think he's homeless."

"That didn't really answer my question."

Yohji raised a brow toward him. "You would've just left him there?"

Aya shrugged and flipped the channel on the TV.

The cat stood up and stepped lightly across to Aya. He promptly settled in Aya's lap and was very determined about getting his head underneath the redhead's hand. And then he started purring.

"Yohji..." Aya was frowning down at the cat.

Yohji pretended to be very interested in what was happening on the TV screen, as opposed to what was going on next to him. "Yes, Aya?"

"Your cat."

"Yeah, well. If you don't want him around, toss him out the door then."

Aya glared. At the both of them. But his hand wasn't moving from on top of the cat and the purring continued.

* * *

Omi sat on his knees on the rug and wagged a ball of yarn in front of the cat's face. The orange tabby sat patiently in front of him, watching him with a disinterested expression.

"You know Ms. Momoe isn't going to thank you for stealing her yarn," Aya said with exactly the same disinterested expression from where he was sitting on the couch.

"I'm just trying to get him to play with me. Come on Tiger. Come on. Wouldn't you play with me? Look at the ball!"

The cat observed the ball of yarn rolling on by with the look of a creature who is trying to decide whether he's being insulted. Omi sighed.

Aya actually looked like he was trying to hold back laughter.

* * *

"Um, I'm not sure," Omi said.

Ouka beamed at him. "Oh, hush! Just hold him still."

Omi wanted to say that that was precisely what he wasn't sure about. When the girl approached them with a long yellow ribbon, Omi clasped his arms around the cat so tight that he half worried about suffocating the animal. But he had to make sure it wouldn't scratch at the girl!

Ouka paid no attention to Omi's concern as she slipped the ribbon around the orange tabby's head. The whole time Omi squeezed the cat desperately. Ouka smiled and clapped her hands once she was done.

"Oh, he looks absolutely adorable!" she said.

Omi dared to let go a little. The cat raised his head. Blue eyes were filled with holy hatred as they stared at the girl.

But Omi had to admit that the yellow bow _did_ look absolutely adorable on top of the cat's head.

* * *

Aya hadn't really intended to scratch the cat, but the warm creature did feel nice under his hand. He slipped his fingers deeper into the thick layer of orange fur, letting them wander while keeping his eyes focused on the TV screen.

Suddenly Aya's hand touched something different. He turned his head in shock, only to meet Yohji's equally shocked expression from the other side of the couch. Their fingers had accidentally met and twined together on top of the cat's soft belly.

The cat was quick to grab Aya's wrist with his back paws and Yohji's with his front paws. He held them tight and close and started purring.

Aya and Yohji stared at one another across the cat. Neither one of them moved their hand.

* * *

Aya stirred to the feeling of weight. He opened his eyes sleepily only to discover a bundle of orange fur from on top of his chest. A pair of bright blue eyes were gleaming at him in the faint moonlight that floated into the room through the window.

_Cats like it warm._ Aya didn't question the hazy, sleepy thought. He relaxed under the cat. _It's okay._

The cat crawled up along Aya's chest slowly and landed one paw gently on the redhead's shoulder. The other paw went for Aya's earring, pawing at it with a tiny, playful tap.

Even half asleep, Aya reacted on instinct. His yanked his head back and tried to swat the cat away. Rather violently. "No!" he hissed at the cat, suddenly wide awake. The earring was off limits, he wanted to say... but then he realised that he was talking to a cat.

The cat's claws clung onto Aya's blanket like barbed wire. He kept staring. Aya stared right back. He felt absolutely stupid, staring at those glistening blue feline eyes. How was the animal supposed to know better?

"No," he said again, forcefully but more quietly.

The cat retracted his claws. Suddenly Aya found himself cheek to cheek with the orange tabby.

_Stroking the cat makes it better._

Aya wasn't sure about why he was thinking about that but he tested the cat's belly with his hand tentatively. The animal started purring. Little by little, Aya's muscles relaxed. He let the cat stay while his fingers wandered in the soft fur. But for a long while he kept staring at the ceiling, his thoughts swimming deep in dark places.

The whole time, the cat purred.

* * *

Omi sat on the couch, his arms crossed over his chest, looking like he was moping. Aya was sitting next to him, staring at the TV screen with a somewhat bored expression. Yohji lounged halfway collapsed on top of the arm rest, definitely more interested in what was going on in front of the TV than on the screen.

Ken grinned as he passed the football across the rug to the orange feline. The cat leaped at it and hissed as he gave it a vicious slap with one paw. Ken kicked a second ball, but the cat recoiled easily and thwarted it as well.

"Brilliant, Tiger!" Ken laughed, beaming at the cat.

Omi pouted. "I don't think it's fair that he's playing with your balls but not with mine."

Ken, Yohji and Aya all three turned to stare at Omi. Slowly. Omi didn't seem to figure out for a good minute what was so odd about what he had just said. When he did, he turned scarlet and covered his face.

The cat was _definitely_ grinning.

* * *

Tink-a-tink-a-tink.

The blue eyes followed the jangling ball across the rug. Omi smiled and crawled over to the ball. He waved it in the air and tossed it again.

Tink-a-tink-a-tink.

The cat flattened his ears tight against his skull.

Tink-a-tink-a-tink.

"Meooow!" The orange flash streaked after the ball. The cat caught it in mid-motion and tumbled in a big lump of fur, hissing and meowing, trying to tear open the ball.

Tink-a-tink-a-tink-a-tink-a-!

Yohji raised a curious brow toward Omi. The boy beamed.

"Catnip."

* * *

Crawford was sitting by his desk dressed in nothing but his robe, typing away at a report, when he heard a tap. He couldn't be bothered to even look up as he gave the permission, "Enter."

But no one stepped in. The door didn't even open. Crawford was finally distracted from his report to turn to look. The tap was repeated and he realised that it wasn't someone rapping at his door. The sound came from the window. Crawford stood and walked over. He pulled aside the curtain.

A dripping wet orange creature he barely recognised was sitting on the window sill on the other side of the glass. One of the cat's front paws was slightly raised in a gesture that might have appeared pleading if it wasn't for the claws that were clearly visible. No doubt he had left scratch marks on the glass ― Crawford would have to pay someone to fix that. Honestly, if he got a dime every time someone broke a glass...

_Are you going to let me in or worry about your window?_ drifted a subdued, irritable voice that was almost miserable. Sulky, at any rate.

Crawford couldn't resist a smile. _Came to give your report?_

_Well I didn't miss you either. Let me in, Crawford._

_You're supposed to be on a mission._

_The mission sucks._

_It can't be that bad, you've been gone for days without a word._

The cat looked slightly more pleased. _You missed me after all._

_Don't be stupid. I've already given your pillow away._

Crawford could hear the hiss even through the glass. With a chuckle, the precog flicked the hook off the loop and let the window swing open. The orange tabby darted, but Crawford snatched a hold of him by the neck.

"You're not going to drip all over my rug."

The cat hissed and now the claws were out on the other paw too. Undeterred, Crawford pulled the cat into his arms and hugged him tight. Schuldig froze, for just long enough for Crawford to shrug the bathrobe off one shoulder. Momentarily, the only thing visible of the wet miserable thing was a confused head staring up at the naked Crawford from within the folds of his robe.

Schuldig's eyes narrowed. _You better not have really given my pillow away._

Without a word, Crawford pushed the window closed. Click. He walked over to his bed and placed the orange bundle down. Crawford stretched himself onto the bed next to the cat. His hand lingered on the sensitive spot just behind the cat's right ear. "Welcome home, Schuldig," he whispered.

Schuldig glanced at the empty pillow next to him. Tentatively, he pressed his wet cheek against Crawford's bare chest, then snuggled his nose in closer. The precognitive didn't even flinch though everything about Schuldig's face was cold. He just held tighter to warm the cat up.

A moment later, the purring started again.

* * *

"So, Tsukiyono is falling in love with Takatori's daughter, Hidaka used to be a football player and Fujimiya's sister is the girl we've been looking for." Crawford clicked his tongue. "What about Kudoh?"

_He's trying to drown his sorrow in booze and women. It's kind of disappointing in its simplicity, really._ The cat stretched himself out in Crawford's lap, looking very pleased. _A little to the right._

Absently, Crawford changed the position of the brush. "Hmm. Schön sounded particularly interested in him."

_I can't imagine why._ Schuldig purred and stretched out one paw lazily to pat Crawford's hand in order to get the brush lower on his belly.

Crawford stopped brushing and raised a brow toward the orange tabby. "It was your mission to find out, wasn't it?"

_Can I help it if it's just not there? Maybe Yohji doesn't know whatever it is that Schön thinks he does._ The cat tapped the brush again, starting to look much less pleased. _You're not done._

"Hmm." Crawford continued to brush the cat's belly. His eyes caught on a thoughtful look. "You're right. You need to look presentable for the ladies."

Schuldig gave him an odd look. _Schreient?_

Crawford nodded. "Time to play mixed pairs on this one."

_If that was some code for, you're going to fuck Schön, you should know that I have claws, I'm not afraid to use them and I've always hated everything in your wardrobe anyway so there will be no hesitation and no mercy._

"Hush. As if you didn't knock up a dozen unsuspecting kitties while running about Tokyo."

Schuldig purred. _Why, Crawford, you are jealous._

Crawford surprised him by grabbing him suddenly. The precog lifted the cat up by the loose skin on his neck. He levelled Schuldig with a harsh look. "I'm concerned. Do you have any idea of what will happen if you leave litters of telepathic kittens running loose about Tokyo?"

Schuldig levelled him right back. A smirk started to pull at the corners of the telepathic cat's mouth. _Do you have any idea of what'll happen if we control those kittens?_

Crawford paused for a time to give it some thought. For rather a long time, actually.

* * *

"Oh, Schuldig, I have something for you." Crawford let the door swing open.

The cat meandered closer, looking curious. It was apparently possible for a cat's face to fall with disappointment. _You're kidding._

"Don't you like it?"

The cat's tail swished and wrapped around his legs. He said absolutely nothing.

"But you said that cats love climbing." Crawford poked the scratching post with his leg.

Schuldig gave him a cat kind of cold shoulder for the rest of the evening.

* * *

The two of them arrived at the manor, with air of a man who is going to rule the world and the cat who is going to make it happen. Crawford had one hand in his trouser pocket, his coat not completely buttoned up to give a relaxed appearance and to hide the shape of the gun. The cat strode beside him with a confident strut of a feline on a mission. Nagi and Farfarello followed close, and if you didn't know any better, you could assume that they were the bodyguards of the master and the cat.

Schreient stood fanned out in a kind of horseshoe, waiting for them though not having expected to see them, well, not to see Schuldig, at any rate, judging by the displeased narrowing of Schön's eyes and the way she clung onto the gun a little tighter. Neu seemed least affected, except possibly for Tot, who stood on the leftmost side, mirroring Nagi's position, hugging Mr. Bunny close to her chest and looking like she had no clue what was going on. It was Hell who spoke first.

"He's supposed to be with Weiß!" she said, pointing at Schuldig.

Crawford smiled pleasantly. "We were supposed to report our findings to you."

"You haven't had problems with discussing this alone with Schön before, Crawford," Hell noted with a sideways glance toward her blond companion.

The cat's eyes narrowed. _Is that so?_ he sent out to Crawford.

Crawford ignored the cat. "Schuldig is here to give you the information personally."

_And to keep an eye on you._ The cat swept his tail around Crawford's leg.

_You're only making it easier for me to step on your tail, you know._

_Don't even. Think about your wardrobe._

Schön smirked. "Can't control your cat, Crawford?"

Crawford ignored her, too. "We have what you wanted. You know what we want. Shall we discuss business?"

Hell crossed her arms over her chest and leaned her head to the side. "All right," she mused. "Tell me what you've got."

"Ah, but how do I know you'll give us what we want afterwards?"

Schön gave an amused husky chuckle. "And you think we'd give you the antidote before you've given us the information?"

_Enough. Do you want to know Kudoh's secret or not?_ The cat stared at Schön, but the shift did not come from the blond's mind. Schuldig switched to a private channel, _Crawford._ The cat changed his position just a little. Crawford moved his arm in anticipation and soon the orange tabby was in his arms against his chest, eying the girls with a malicious gleam in his eyes. _That's her. The girl from Yohji's past._

Crawford made no mistake on which one Schuldig was thinking about. Neither did he let in that anything was going on, not by a single shift or a glance, nothing. He kept his eyes on Hell while stroking the orange fur, and it might as well have been verbal, the way his hand was saying, _Good cat._

"Well." Crawford smiled. "If you're not feeling like trading today, perhaps we can discuss the matter another time."

Crawford turned away. Hell's eyes narrowed. Schön lifted her chin, looking suspicious. Neu did the opposite, her head lowering just a tiny dip. Tot, however, scampered over to Crawford hurriedly. She stopped in front of him, looking up at him with wide, eager eyes.

"Can Mr. Bunny come play with your cat sometime?" she asked with a happy smile.

Crawford paused. His eyes drifted over to Nagi, who was standing nearby, looking at her. Looking like he would never take his eyes off of her. Crawford's eyes moved back to the girl and then on to the cat in his arms. _Well?_ the arch of his eyebrow asked.

The cat's eyes drifted onto the pink stuffed toy in the girl's arms. _I can't promise the rabbit will live if there's catnip involved._

_Catnip?_

_Long story. Don't ask._

* * *

"Weiß! Hunters of the Night!" Manx descended into the basement, her heels giving a sharp clop-clop-clop down the stairs. The four assassins looked up from their various positions around the basement. They were left staring, because mixed in with the usual fierce red cascade of curls on her shoulders, they caught sight of a wholly different shade of red draped around her neck...

"Um," Omi started from his seat on the couch. "Manx..."

"Yes?" she asked as she sauntered over to them. She looked around the confused faces with a curious expression. The cat's tail brushed over her chest, clinging for just one moment over one breast before she absently whisked it away. The cat purred and moved his head in closer to push against her chin.

Yohji smiled and moved in closer. "I'm sure Omi just meant to tell you how good my cat looks on you."

Manx looked at him curiously. "Your cat, Yohji? I thought it was Weiß's new mascot."

He stroked the orange tabby's head affectionately. "Yes, of course. My cat. Handsome beast, isn't he? I had to get a pet to match, you know what I'm saying..."

Manx looked like she knew exactly what he was saying, judging from the pointed way she turned her eyes away from Yohji. "Hunters of the Night," she said as if she had never been distracted. "I have a mission for you."

Omi frowned. "Shouldn't Persia be telling us about it?"

"He's busy and this is urgent, lives may be at risk," Manx said. The cat's tail meandered on her cheek, caressing gently, appreciatively, while she went on to explain to the four assassins about a certain laboratory she wanted them to investigate...

* * *

Nagi was leaning his shoulder on one side of the doorway. Farfarello was leaning on the other.

"It's like from a storybook," Nagi commented.

Farfarello nodded solemnly.

Crawford hovered over the tubes and the laboratory equipment. The orange tabby's tail kept swinging back and forth lazily like the cat was counting the seconds, watching what could only be described as a brewing potions pot.

_Did you hear that, Crawford? The kid just called you a witch._

Crawford ignored the cat. More or less. "If you two don't have anything useful to do, feed the cat."

Nagi's face fell.

Farfarello offered, "I think there's still some sushi leftovers in the fridge."

_Leftovers?_ Schuldig's tone, as well as the fact that he wouldn't even turn around, suggested exactly what he thought about the idea.

Nagi gave an exasperated sigh.

"Just take him out to eat," Crawford said absently. "There's that nice place around the corner he likes."

"They won't let him in," Nagi objected. "He's a cat."

Schuldig laughed. _A telepathic cat,_ he reminded the boy.

"With years' experience in screwing with other people's minds," Crawford added with an almost affectionate murmur.

Nagi sighed again. "It won't take you that long to finish, will it?" he asked Crawford. "You can take him out to celebrate his last night as a cat. So he can screw with your mind in the car, please, you guys need to keep it down. How is it even possible to make that much noise when you're not doing it physically?" The boy looked like he might be sick just thinking back on it.

"This is not the antidote to turn him back," Crawford said calmly.

Nagi looked surprised. "It's not? Didn't Weiß find it?"

"Of course they did," Crawford said, very calmly. "Like I said, Schuldig has years' experience in screwing with other people's minds and I gave him specific instructions."

_Yeah. Like your instructions had anything to do with it._

"But you see," Crawford smiled, "Hell lied. The effect can always be reversed."

_And I am perfectly happy as a cat, for the moment,_ Schuldig added.

"So..." Nagi looked at the laboratory equipment. "What are you doing, then?"

"Weiß also got the formula Schreient used to turn Schuldig into a cat in the first place."

Nagi lowered his gaze slowly to the smug looking cat seated on the corner of the table. A chill went through him. Farfarello, on the other hand, started to look fascinated.

"So now you are playing God, too?" Farfarello whispered, his single eye gleaming.

Crawford looked at the liquid dripping slowly out of the tube into the pot while his hand found Schuldig's ears. The gesture was becoming automatic. As automatic as the cat pressing his head against the man's hand in response.

"The future belongs to us, not to God..." Crawford murmured.

Schuldig purred.


End file.
